Top O' the Mornin'

“A Glossary Of Redneck Medical Terms” Artery: The study of paintings. Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Benign: What you be after you be eight. Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome. Cat scan: Searching for kitty. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her. Colic: A sheep dog. Coma: A punctuation mark. D & C: Where Washington is. Dilate: To live long. Enema: Not a friend. Fester: Quicker than someone else. Fibula: A small lie. Genital: Non-Jewish person. G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball. Hangnail: What you hang your coat on. Impotent: Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff: A doctor’s cane. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates. Node: Was aware of. Outpatient: A person who has fainted. Pap Smear: A fatherhood test. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative: A letter carrier. Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery. Rectum: Darn near killed him. Secretion: Hiding something. Seizure: Roman emperor. Tablet: A small table. Terminal illness: Getting sick at the bus station Tumor: More than one. Urine: Opposite of you’re out. Varicose: Near by/close by. Vein: Conceited. Terry Maddox is publisher of St. Tammany News.