Top O' the Mornin'

By Terry Maddox
St. Tammany News
Published on Friday, November 21, 2008 10:01 AM CST

Print this story | Email this story | Post A Comment |

“A Glossary Of Redneck Medical Terms”

Artery: The study of paintings.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What doctors do when patients die.

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.

Cat scan: Searching for kitty.

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.

Colic: A sheep dog.

Coma: A punctuation mark.

D & C: Where Washington is.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: Quicker than someone else.

Fibula: A small lie.

Genital: Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.

Impotent: Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff: A doctor’s cane.

Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: Was aware of.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.

Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative: A letter carrier.

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Darn near killed him.

Secretion: Hiding something.

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the bus station

Tumor: More than one.

Urine: Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose: Near by/close by.

Vein: Conceited.

Terry Maddox is publisher of St. Tammany News.

Print this story | Email this story | Post A Comment |

Comments

No comments posted.

WRITE A COMMENT

Use the form below to post a brief comment to this story, or respond to other readers. Please use the word count tool to assist you in keeping your remarks to 100 words or fewer.

Comment posters are responsible for the opinions they express and the accuracy of the information they provide. We urge comment writers to treat this as a public forum where manners matter. We encourage a collegial, non-insulting tone. All readers comments must be approved by our staff before posting to the Web site. They review submitted comments periodically during the day for offensive or off-topic content before posting. Be aware, in accordance with the Communications Decency Act and provisions upheld in judicial appeal, that you are responsible for comments posted on this Web site. The St. Tammany News is not liable for messages from third parties.

DO NOT POST:
* Potentially libelous statements or damaging innuendo.
* Obscene, explicit, or racist language.
* Personal attacks, insults or threats.
* The use of another person's real name to disguise your identity.
* Comments unrelated to the story.
* Personal Information (phone numbers, addresses, etc.)

Opinions, advice and all other information expressed in thesttammanynews.com's reader comments represent the individual's own views and not necessarily those of the St. Tammany News. The St. Tammany News does not endorse and is not responsible for statements, advice or opinions offered by anyone other than authorized St. Tammany News spokespersons.

Your thoughtful contribution to the online discussion is appreciated.