Conan O’Brien says, “According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of liars.”

“A Christmas Carol” opens this evening at Slidell Little Theatre. Curtain is scheduled for 8 p.m. And don’t forget, Copeland’s of New Orleans serves free champagne and food on opening night.

The traditional version of Dickens’ classic continues tomorrow night and Dec. 5, 6, 12 and 13 at 8 p.m.; and on Sundays Dec. 7 and 14 at 2 p.m. Watch the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future transform Ebeneezer Scrooge in this beloved tale.

Make reservations by calling 641-0324 or online at slidell-slt.org.

The local bishop hears of this young curate who is packing the church with his dynamic homilies. Collections are up, the church is full and people even stand outside the listen. They ask for copies. The publishing companies want him to write a book and do a CD. The bishop calls him in.

“Son,” says the bishop, “too much early fame is not good for the young. You need seasoning. I’m making you my staff writer. I want a dynamite homily for next Sunday; make it your best effort ever.” The young man reluctantly agrees and goes to work.

The next Sunday the bishop delivers his first ghost written homily. It doesn’t go over very well. He calls in the young curate. “What went wrong?” asks the bishop. “The first part was excellent, I had them sitting up and hanging on my every word. Then it got anti-climatic in the middle, repetitious in the second half and I had really lost them by the draggy end of it. What did you do wrong?”

The young man thought for a moment, and then said, “You know, bishop, I gave you two copies of that homily.”

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

— Winston Churchill

Terry Maddox is publisher of St. Tammany News.