Alone together during the holidays

Out of adversity comes love, hope, caring and support.

One bright, sunny day at the beach, Dave Serpas, 39, was returning from a swim to a sandbar with his son and niece when tragedy struck — a heart attack. As people tried to revive him and called 9-1-1, his wife, Stefanie, was in shock.

Although he was taken to a nearby hospital, he did not recover and Stefanie and her children’s lives were forever changed.

A year and a half later, Serpas and her two children, Zack, now 10, and Sophie, 5, have learned to cope without their husband and father, whom they depended on for little things as well as big things.

Her son feels the loss deeply and has developed some problems with a nervous stomach and headaches. Although he was there when it happened, it took awhile for the reality of losing his dad to sink in. Serpas immediately got help for Zack. Serpas said the schools, Mandeville Elementary and Lake Harbor, have been wonderful, offering resources, support and help to her and the children.

Serpas, a medical salesperson, first sought out a support group for widows. However, many of the ladies in the group were older and not really in the same situation she was in. Their children were grown and, while supportive, she was not getting the kind of support and help she needed and wanted.

So Serpas started her own group at St. Tammany Parish Hospital for young widows and widowers faced with raising their young children alone. Serpas said that although the group is small, only five members so far, it is a comfort to know there are others in the same situation. In fact, three members of the group lost their husbands to heart attacks, similar to Serpas.

“This Christmas is harder in some ways than last year,” she said. “Last year I was still numb. This year it’s much more real. Reality is sinking in for things like assembling gifts.”

Serpas has found strength in starting the support group.

“We mingle and talk,” she said. Sometimes there are speakers, but it’s about having someone else that is going through the same situation — and helping each other, she added.

Her son has also benefited.

“We have gotten to know some of the other families, and he is very comfortable around the other children who have suffered the same loss he has,” Serpas said.

Although the group is still small, it hopes to expand, but Serpas knows people have to be ready to join such a group to truly benefit from the experience.

“It makes me happy to know we have each other to talk to. I feel better knowing I can maybe help someone else in the grieving process,” she said.

Serpas also raised $3,000 for the American Heart Association by participating in the Heart Walk. Her husband had a few symptoms and a family history of heart disease, but she said he never would take it seriously.

Her involvement in both the Heart Walk and starting the support group is really a tribute to her husband, she said.

“He wouldn’t be surprised I’m doing this,” she said.

“I just feel that Dave lives on through these things…So many people take things for granted. You just don’t know what you have until it’s gone from your life,” she said.

The support group meets once a month and will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. in the Mandeville Room at St. Tammany Parish Hospital, 1202 S. Tyler St., Covington. For more information about the group, call Serpas at 504-866-8886.